Learn what topics you should avoid during small talk in Persian
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| Michael: What topics are taboo in Persian? |
| Negar: And what are some things you should avoid doing? |
| Michael: At PersianPod101.com, we hear these questions often. Imagine the following situation: Karen Lee and Paria Parvizi are chatting in a good atmosphere while drinking a coffee. Everything changes when Karen asks the forbidden question. |
| "Who is your favorite politician?" |
| Karen Lee: سیاستمدار مورد علاقت کیه؟ (siaasatmadaar-e mored-e alaaqat kie?) |
| Dialogue |
| Karen Lee: سیاستمدار مورد علاقت کیه؟ (siaasatmadaar-e mored-e alaaqat kie?) |
| Paria Parvizi: بیا در مورد یه چیز دیگه صحبت کنیم. (biaa dar mored-e ye chiz-e dige sohbat konim.) |
| Michael: Once more with the English translation. |
| Karen Lee: سیاستمدار مورد علاقت کیه؟ (siaasatmadaar-e mored-e alaaqat kie?) |
| Michael: "Who is your favorite politician?" |
| Paria Parvizi: بیا در مورد یه چیز دیگه صحبت کنیم. (biaa dar mored-e ye chiz-e dige sohbat konim.) |
| Michael: "Let's talk about something else." |
Lesson focus |
|---|
| Michael: In this lesson, you will be learning what topics are taboo in Persian and what you should avoid doing when interacting with Iranian people. The lesson is focused on things that someone who is traveling or temporarily working in Iran should know. Iranian etiquette is quite strict and formal and is based on a verbal and non-verbal system called |
| Negar: تعارف (ta'aarof) |
| Michael: which means "politeness." In Iran, this system of "politeness" is very important and should be observed in all situations if you want to be sure not to offend anyone. A simple way to look at it is that it requires a person to put other people first. This means that, while in Iran, you are likely to often hear someone saying, "You first, please" or |
| Negar: اول شما، خواهش میکنم. (avval shomaa, khaahesh mikonam.) |
| Michael: A typical response to this might be, "No, after you" or |
| Negar: نه، بعد از شما. (na ba'd az shomaa.) |
| Michael: Sometimes, you might find that a shopkeeper, or someone providing you with a service, offers you something for free. They are doing this out of a sense of |
| Negar: تعارف (ta'aarof) |
| Michael: and so, in order to be polite, you should decline their offer and insist on paying. This is a general rule you can follow, in fact, when someone offers you something, the polite response is to decline and only accept if they continue to insist. That said, you can probably safely tone down the level of formality when you are among friends and family, if you have a close relationship with them. |
| Let's continue this lesson with some examples of topics and behaviour you would be wise to avoid while in Iran. |
| [Recall 1] |
| Michael: We'll start by taking a closer look at the dialogue. |
| Do you remember how Karen Lee says "Who is your favorite politician?" |
| (pause 4 seconds) |
| Negar as Karen Lee: سیاستمدار مورد علاقت کیه؟ (siaasatmadaar-e mored-e alaaqat kie?) |
| [Recall 2] |
| Michael: And do you remember how Paria says "Let's talk about something else?" |
| (pause 4 seconds) |
| Negar as Paria Parvizi: بیا در مورد یه چیز دیگه صحبت کنیم. (biaa dar mored-e ye chiz-e dige sohbat konim.) |
| Michael: One can easily deduce, from Paria's reaction to Karen's question, that it is making Paria uncomfortable. This is because the subject of Iranian politics is a very sensitive one. In fact, it's best to avoid it altogether. If you do encounter an Iranian person who likes to share their opinion on the topic, you would be best advised to simply listen without offering your own point of view, especially if it is critical of Iranian politicians or politics. In general, Iranian people are nationalistic and you could quite easily offend them if you are critical of their politics and way of life. |
| Politics and religion are always topics to avoid in most societies, especially if you don't know people well, it's even more important to avoid these topics in a place like Iran where these things are taken more seriously than in many other countries. |
| Fortunately, love is not a topic one needs to avoid, but there are things you should be careful of when it comes to expressing love. It would be fine to, quietly, say "I love you" or |
| Negar: دوستت دارم. (doostet daaram.) |
| Michael: to your partner, but showing your affection in a physical way in public is taboo in Iran. This includes hugging, kissing, putting your arms around someone, and even hand-holding. It may be the case that you, occasionally, see people holding hands in public, but this is the exception rather than the rule. If you would like to ensure that you cause no offense, it would be best to refrain from all public displays of affection with your loved one. |
| And, while on the subject of etiquette between the sexes, it is important that, in Iran, you don't shake hands with a member of the opposite sex either. If you are a man, and you are being introduced to an Iranian woman, it is best to wait until she offers to shake your hand. If she does not, then it is advisable to stick to verbal introductions, like "It's very nice to meet you" or: |
| Negar: خیلی از ملاقاتتون خوشوقتم. (kheyli az molaaqaatetoon khoshvaqtam.) |
| Michael: In the end, the best rule to follow is to not touch members of the opposite sex at all, even if you are simply taking a photo together! |
| This strict formality around relations between the sexes extends not only to touching, but even to something as seemingly innocuous as inquiring after someone's well-being. If you are a man, it would be a very bad idea, for instance, to ask a conservative Iranian man a question like, "How's your sister?" or |
| Negar: خواهر شما چطوره؟ (khaahar-e shomaa chetore?) |
| Michael: While it may be tempting to joke about this subject, one should take it very seriously when in Iran, as you may end up causing deep offense. If you know the person very well and you are sure you will not cause offense, then and only then is it safe to inquire about the female members of their family. |
| Based on what you have learned thus far in this lesson, it should go without saying that telling dirty jokes is also taboo—nor should you tell jokes that make fun of someone else. This kind of humor is considered unintelligent among Iranian people. |
| Speaking of making fun of people, this ties in with the concepts of respect and modesty, both of which are very important to Iranian people. In general, you will find that Iranian people can be quite self-deprecating, out of politeness, and that they are very unlikely to be boastful about things like their own status and income. It would be advisable to be modest about one's own achievements as well. If someone gives you a compliment, like "You are very good at your job," or |
| Negar: شما تو کار خودتون خیلی ماهر هستید. (shomaa too kaar-e khodetoon kheyli maaher hastid.) |
| Michael: then you could play it down by responding with something like: |
| Negar: من هنوز چیزهای زیادی برای یادگیری دارم. (man hanooz chiz-haa-ye ziaadi baraaye yaadgiri daaram.) |
| Michael: or "I still have a lot to learn.." If you do this, the Iranian person you are interacting with is likely to warm to you because they will see you as modest and humble. Modesty and humility are prized qualities in Iranian culture. If you are able to portray yourself in this way, your experience in Iran is likely to be a pleasant one. |
| [Summary] |
| Michael: In this lesson, you learned what topics and behaviour are taboo in Iran. Many of the issues we discussed are not necessarily taboos as such, but they do represent topics and actions that could cause offense and might lead to confrontation. Iranian social interactions are facilitated through a system of politeness called |
| Negar: تعارف (ta'aarof). |
| Michael: You learned that this means that Iranian people tend to put others first and are modest and humble in their dealings with other people. It is advisable to learn as much as you can about Iranian culture and history before traveling to Iran, or if you are likely to have regular interactions with Iranian people. |
| Expansion/Contrast |
| Michael: There are a couple other things you should know about if you are dealing with Iranian people. |
| One of the most annoying things for an Iranian person is when foreigners get confused between |
| Negar: پارسیان (paarsiyaan) |
| Michael: and |
| Negar: اعراب (a'raab) |
| Michael: or "Persians" and "Arabs" respectively. If you confuse these two, you will simply be displaying your ignorance about the Middle East. The majority of Iranians are not Arab, they are Persian. Persian is the predominant ethnic group of Iran. The ancient Persians were Indo-European nomadic people who migrated to the region of Persis, corresponding to the modern province of Fars in southwestern Iran, about 1000 BCE. |
| And while on the topic of the distinction between things Persian and Arabic, I must point out that it's not a good idea to refer to the Persian Gulf as the "Arabian Gulf" or even, simply, "the Gulf." The body of water that these terms refer to was on record as "The Persian Gulf" for centuries until, in the 1960s, Arab nations started referring to it as The Arabian Gulf. There is very little historical support for calling it this. In Persian, the gulf is called: |
| Negar: خلیج فارس. (khalij-e faars) |
| Michael: Remember to call it this when in Iran. So far, we've discussed quite a list of things that you shouldn't do and say when interacting with Iranian people, but what about things you can say that might help you to keep your interactions pleasant and polite? We'll have a brief look at those next. |
| Cultural Insight/Expansion |
| Michael: We've already mentioned this in passing, but it's important enough to mention again. If you are traveling to Iran or are going to be interacting with Iranian people on a regular basis, it is a very good idea to get informed about Iran's cultural heritage. If you can show an Iranian person that you know something about their culture and history, they will be very impressed. An added bonus is that you will probably find it very interesting! |
| Also, make sure that your words and actions correspond. Or, in Persian, be |
| Negar: صادق (saadeq) |
| Michael: This means "honest." Personally, I think that's very good advice wherever you are, but it's especially important in Iran because Iranian people take a very dim view of hypocrisy and people who contradict themselves. Say what you mean and mean what you say. |
| Generally, the best way to behave around Iranians is with sincerity, modesty, and generosity. If you can manage that and remember the etiquette you learned in this lesson, you will have pleasant interactions with the Iranian people you meet. |
Outro |
| Michael: Do you have any more questions? We're here to answer them! |
| Negar: خداحافظ (khodaahaafez) |
| Michael: See you soon! |
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